


Ice Scream

by KBRyou



Series: Welcome to Desert Bluffs [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Desert Bluffs (Welcome to Night Vale), Gen, Pre-Strex Kevin, StrexCorp does not exist yet, The Weather (Welcome to Night Vale), Typical Night Vale Weirdness, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24377563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KBRyou/pseuds/KBRyou
Summary: Just another ordinary day in a lovely desert community. The ice cream is a bit strange, though. Welcome to Desert Bluffs.
Series: Welcome to Desert Bluffs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760155
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Ice Scream

Peace is not found where you expect it, but it will be found inside your home.

Welcome to Desert Bluffs

Our top story today:

Mayor Pablo Mitchell has called an emergency press conference about the screaming ice cream. The new screaming ice cream has taken our town by storm, the children especially seem to love it. "Creamy Screamy: scream till you melt!" What a catchy slogan!

However, Mayor Pablo Mitchell does seem to have some concerns. Reports have come in that the ice cream has started screaming increasingly louder and has even started to cause ear-bleeding. Of course, it is not entirely unnatural for produce to cause ear-bleeding, however this is ice cream, not produce.

While there does not seem to be much reason for concern, Mayor Pablo Mitchell seems very adamant that this screaming ice cream fad is a danger. More on this as the story develops!

For now, let’s go to a word from our sponsors.

Time is ticking. Time will not stop ticking as long as we exist, as long as we do not get sucked into a black hole where not even light can exist.

We stay here, stuck in time, in our natural prison that we rarely think to question. We rely on clocks that could be lying to us, but we trust them to be right.

Time is a lie. Time is a sham. Do not fall for its tricks.

Walmart: a great place to buy clocks and towels.

And now, sports!

The Desert Bluffs Sunbeams are gearing up for another exciting season of baseball! After the suspicious amount of drownings mid-game two seasons ago, they were forced to withdraw from a season in order to grow and train more players.

Fortunately, that season away really paid off! Our new players are in top shape for the game and seem to have some sort of telepathic connection! The single surviving player of the previous season is now better than ever after having their lungs and part of their head replaced with auto-mechanical parts.

We are all excited to see this year's baseball season and hope things end better for the players this year! Go Sunbeams!

I'm getting intel that the screaming ice cream has started causing the children themselves to scream! Very loudly, in fact, I think I can hear them from inside the studio. That's quite impressive, actually. They seem to be getting louder...

_(soft banging can be heard outside the room)_

Intern Vanessa, lock the doors, please. Lock the doors! Vanessa? Oh this is not looking good… You know what? I’m going to go help her force the doors shut. I leave you with the weather!

_(the banging grows louder as Kevin is heard distantly, running off)_

Hang on, Vanessa!

[[The Weather]](https://youtu.be/6jRh2PRa1tU)

Hello listeners, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that everyone here at the station is safe. We managed to hold off the screaming children and lock down the station.

Mayor Pablo Mitchell used some new technology developed at the Desert Bluffs Community College. A new ray-gun they seemed to have developed was supposed to stimulate the heat death of the universe. Thankfully, it does not actually trigger the eventual heat death of the universe and was only used against the screaming children and a few casualties.

The ray-gun was able to melt the screaming ice cream (which took over our town's children's bodies) from inside of the children's stomachs and the children collapsed instantly, falling unconscious. I'm sure they will be fine in time, the only people who appear to be seriously harmed were the few innocent bystanders who were accidentally hit by the ray-gun and instantly vaporized.

We do apologize to the families and loved ones of these casualties, but know that they died while the town was being saved! Mayor Pablo Mitchell promises to work more on his aim.

And now, for the bad news. Screaming ice cream has been banned from the town of Desert Bluffs. I know we all enjoyed such a delightful, delicious treat, however, Mayor Pablo Mitchell regrets its adverse effects on our children.

It turns out, Creamy Screamy was an alias that Baskin Robbins was using. As such, Baskin Robbins is now also banned, on account of taking over our children's bodies with screaming ice cream and inadvertently causing the vaporization of a few citizens.

Whatever, everyone prefers Dairy Queen anyway...

What matters is that everyone is okay. No one is possessed by delicious ice cream and we can all rest easy in our homes tonight, knowing that the screaming children won't try to break down our doors.

Stay tuned next for the sound of distant vacuums, vigorously cleaning the streets.

Until next time, Desert Bluffs, until next time.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a piece for my ask blog, feel free to check it out! You're free to send asks there, as well as comment here to give feedback! I'm always happy to improve my writing, this is the first time I've ever actually written something :)  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/voice-of-desert-bluffs


End file.
